it’s hard to not allow the little flutters i get when he texts me take control. i just hope i can keep them stuffed down my stomach. when someone just isn’t interested in anything serious there’s not much you can do besides except it. so, i have to just keep reminding myself of that. hopefully that will work.
But then I realized I was holding onto something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we could wish all day long that they didn’t, but they always will.
it’s been a long time since i’ve felt butterflies in my stomach.
So therefore i dedicate myself to myself, to my art, to my sleep, my dreams, my labours, my sufferances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger- because i cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.